BEFORE NFTS, THERE WERE CRAYONS. BEFORE CRAYONS, THERE WERE MOUNTAINS. SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN, CAVEMEN DREW SHIT ON WALLS. THEY MARKED ASPIRATIONS. DREAMS. NIGHTMARES. STRATEGIES. THE SPIRIT OF CREATION WAS BORN. THE HOMO SAPIENS DREW FIRE, THE VIKINGS DREW ARMS, AND THE ILLUMINATI DREW THE MONA LISA. THEN, BEING NEANDERTHALS, THEY RAN OUT OF IDEAS. BLANK CANVASES SOLD FOR MILLIONS. SATOSHI ARRIVED. LASZLO HAYENCZ BOUGHT A PIZZA. CHARLES GOT KICKED FROM ETHEREUM. THEN B.A.I.R.S. WERE CREATED.
THE B.A.I.R.S. HOIST THE TREASURES OF HUMANKIND: ALCOHOL. ADA. FENTANYL. THEY POSSESS THE TOOLS OF CIVILIZATIONS. PICKAXES TO MINE, CLEAVERS TO HACK AND METH. SOME OF THEM HAVE EYEPATCHES, OTHERS LOOK LIKE LADYBUGS. THE SCHIZOS ARE SEEING THEM. THE FEDS ARE SEIZING THEM. THE MORMONS AND MORONS ARE PRAYING TO THEM. BUT THEY BELONG TO US. AND THEY’RE WEARING HATS, BRO. THAT’S CUTE AS FUCK.